War

Without any prejudice....

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .... I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"

NOW THAT'S CALLED SINGH CONFIDENCE

The Friendship Poem

1. When you are sad . . . I'll get you drunk (or gorge on chocolate) & help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue . . . I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile . . . I'll know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared . . . I will rag you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried . . . I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused . . . I will use little words to explain.

7. When you are sick . . . stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall . . . I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath . . . I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my true friend!

笑话

道歉信

一對熱戀中的男女，相約去弔祭一位長輩，後來兩人鬧情緒，出殯那天只有男的去了殯儀館，看不到女的，越想越覺得不對，就想寫信給女的道歉。誰知女的看了信，更加火大。

你知道這男的是怎麼寫信的嗎??'親愛的，昨天原本去殯儀館，是想看你，沒想到看不到你，心中好難過...'

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孝順
父 : 不要一天到晚學人家飆車,讓父母擔心,一點也不知道孝順
子 : 那有,我可是有保險的
父 : 孝順和保險有何關係,別扯開話題
子 : 當然有關係囉,因為受益人是您ㄚ, 我可是一天到晚在製造孝順您的機會呢
父 : 嗯 ....,那什麼時候要孝順我ㄚ,我已經等不及了
子 : .........(接不下去了)

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意外情節

早上七點半。
媽媽：「阿金，快起床，上學要遲到了。」
阿金：「媽，我不要上學。」
媽媽：「你說這什麼話。」
阿金：「我不想上學，學校老師不喜歡我，小朋友討厭我，連警衛伯伯也不睬我。」
媽媽：「你這死囝仔，快起床啦！都四十幾歲當校長的人了 ……」

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強吻

這天，有個美麗的女性在公司外當清掃婦。突然有位男性強吻了她就跑走了，女性便大叫「那個人強吻了我，快抓住他」
路人便衝過去將男性抓住說:「小姐，妳要告他甚麼？」
女性害羞的說「沒有，我只想告訴他...我每個星期一、三、五都會來打掃...」*****************************************************************

瞄準

甲婦：「如果妳的老公有外遇，妳會怎麼樣？」
乙婦：「我會睜一隻眼，閉一隻眼。」
甲婦：「喔！妳這麼大方！」
乙婦：「不，我是要用槍瞄準他。」

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修理

甲婦：「我家兒子經常弄壞電器，幸好他老爸會修理。」
乙婦：「我家孩子也經常破壞東西，也幸好他爸會修理。」
甲婦：「妳先生也會修理東西？」
乙婦：「不，他會修理孩子。」

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保證錯誤

一對夫婦結婚二十周年，老婆提議殺隻雞慶賀一番。
老公冷冷應道：「何必把二十年前的錯誤算在一隻雞頭上呢？」

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比毒

話說我有兩位同事，一男一女，非常喜歡鬥嘴，平常沒事就互'虧' 對方。
有一天下班，那女生就請那男的順路載她一程，好不容易我男同事答應了，於是他們就去牽機車。
到了停放機車的地方，那女的看到那機車又破又爛，忍不住又'虧' 了那男的一句 :「拜託,這麼破又爛的機車還要上鎖~~~~。」
那男的瞪大眼睛看著那女的說 :「那妳幹麼上妝。」

※PART-２

一對夫妻在動物園隨著眾人圍著大狒狒。
老婆：『真奇怪，愈難看的動物愈多人看。』
老公：『噓~~ ！不要叫這麼大聲，大家都在看妳。』

※PART- 3

某日，一位小姐去買肉圓。
小姐：『老闆，我要兩個小的帶走！』
由於生意好，過了一會兒，老闆怕忙中有錯，於是在下鍋前問：『小姐，妳那兩粒是小的嗎？』
該小姐臉一紅，恨恨地回了一句：『老闆，你那兩粒才是小的！』

A friend in need is a friend in deed!

A ccepts you as you are.
B elieves in you.
C alls you just to say "hi."
D oesn't give up on you.
E nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts).
F orgives your mistakes.
G ives unconditionally.
H elps you.
I nspires you.
J ust likes being with you.
K eeps you close at heart.
L oves you for who you are.
M akes a difference in your life.
N ever judges you.
O ffers support.
P icks you up.
Q uiets your fears.
R aises your spirits.
S ays nice things about you.
T ells you the truth when you need to hear it.
U nderstands you.
V alues you.
W alks beside you.
X -plains things you don't understand.
Y ells when you won't listen.
Z aps you back to reality

Developing yourself to be good friend, one who is friendly and approachable is both a science and and an art. Advances in Behavioural sciences helps you B R E A K F R E E from relationship challenges. You need to look at changing attitudes and reaching effectiveness for a quick start and grow further. Your time is now!

Personality Test

Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You pushed open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of the hut, and another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the middle of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it.

There are:

a. Apple b. Banana c. Strawberry d. Peach e.Orange

Which fruit will u choose?

Your choice reveals about u!

Test results : Please SCROLL DOWN








Here are the results..

a. if you chosen apple: that means you are a person who loves to eat apple

b. if you chosen banana: that means you are a person who loves to eat banana

c. if you chosen strawberry: that means you are a person who loves to eat strawberry

d. if you chosen peach: that means you are a person who loves to eat peach

e. if you chosen orange: that means you are a person who loves to eat orange

PS: If u r hunting for me to Kick me.....well...I am still hunting for the person who sent me this...!

Funny Interview

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture

English Essay

Lol, today Mr. Johnne told us we must write a summary on Miri History based on this link. And it is soo long. I can summarise it in 30 words! :P Want to see my version? Even if u dun wan i also let u see,just to let u gek dao or say "LOL" or say "diaoz" or "hahaha" or wadeva.
My summary(c):
Miri is now a city but it was a "sleeping fish village", was attacked during World War II. It is also an oil town in Sarawak, Borneo, Malaysia, Asia.

haiz...

today i go sch,normal day,just have maths quiz n sci test.the sci test more easy but,i always not sure few questions.zz..the maths ok la..think can get >15 out of 20.after i finish do test,i slp liao.mayb is becos of the lavender smell( i like the smell though,see my url.dunno why some ppl hate it so much).teacher dunno lavender is for relaxin and calmness to make ppl slp de meh?zz...then i dream liao lo! the funny part is i only slp 10-15 mins then alr haf dreams.cant remember wad i dream of leh...
during chi period today,our class like sot liao.then i also dunno y miss lily sing song?nvm! let us hear her sing! jxx hxx n i say sth abt her singing(nt bad things la...) :P Oh ya,b4 that,jia xin dance.wah seh,so xian mu. n xing han's hua xin spirit take over his love mandy spirit liao n he say"(wad u think of jia xin's dancing? or sth liddat is the question frm ms. lily) yes!she very sexy! [in chinese]. lol! betray mandy!hw dare he betray her.let mandy cry.. :P

hist. n geo. (uec)

today i had my history n geography exams.
the history de quite ok la.but geography?
it was bad like hell.
horrible,miserable,vege-table!!!
the teacher give us so many subjective questions.
abt 4 or 5. wad the!!!
the good part is:
the time supposed was 1 period but he gave us 10-15 mins more.
LoL!
i memorised the geography till my brain burst liao lo!
memory corruption,need to reformat which will become?
MEMORY LOSS!!
the teacher dunno my RAM very small arh?
i only memorise 1/4 of question 1 eh...
so,when RAM full,will OVERLOAD.
computer system auto-delete stuff which is important
but keep the unimportant de things!
nxt time whn i reborn, i wan a v.good RAM com!!
anyway,the deleted items will be inside recycle bin.
then will have bugs/virus come out frm recycle bin!
the virus will eat all the memory sia!
so,the brain dun have anything n wad we become?
A MORON.

crazy right?but it's real!!

periodic 2 (1)

what the...ever since that chua[or snake in hokkien.think she catch snake(translate to chinese)] teach me sci my marks from 90+ drop liao! my sci alr go die(translate to chinese to knw mark) then my maths also. dunno this time can get top 10 mah. hopefully can la. if nt mdm chua teach not good,or our sci really is hard like hell or heaven or johnne mode lo;or my sci is poor liao. zz...now i online just to play so can relax. because nxt wk whole full wk frm mon to thurs have tests..fri dun haf cos' is good friday. know why is good friday?because those ppl last time alr know we,students,are going to suffer from these exams then let us rest for 1 more day.i just hope have good mon,good tues,good wed,good thurs,good sat n good sun lo. :P

i just now go see mandy's blog and saw xing han propose to her.lols....and he thought that propose is biao bai.sot arh? propose=qiu hun la. dunno qiu hun?kahwin wif mandy la! both of their english quite poor de. =P dun angry first. they are quite pei leh...to be honest. haha,hopefully they really married in the future nt now,or that mandy wont concentrate in studying liao. n that jux nx kip say i les. if i les,i wont talk to her just talk to eleen liao la.kip say me n eleen.sot sot. then behind me that jix nx n jxx hxx say i like sxxx xxxx zz....then eleen also join in.haiz... anyway,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIE CHIN!!!

HOPE U LIKE THE CARD,DUN LIKE DE HUA FIND MY MAMA.